 I find myself back on the moon, the earth peaks over the horizon. My hands slide across the surface, coarse like gravel, a stark silence fills the void. I sit at the edge waiting. An absence of light everywhere except for two bodies floating in space. I can see the earth in my field of view. Before I was there I was here at the edge of space. The moon underneath my crossed legs is impregnated with color and texture. Three things are present. My mother, my father and me. Familiar voices awakened me from a dream. I found myself in a different room then the one I fell asleep in. The atmosphere felt tense, confused. I hear words to a song, “Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there’s a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby”. My mother was singing to me. It was the 1960’s. My father was an engineer who designed the rocket boosters for the moon landings. I remember the sense of wonder I felt, watching them on TV growing up as a kid, and how excited I was to be part of a culture of exploration. Immersed in the dream. I wanted to become the first woman on the moon. As a highly sensitive child it was easy for me to see pathways between mystical and material worlds. A cosmic kid, a star child. I could pass through gates of possibilities and ideas which were different from ordinary life. For me it was all colors, dots and inner sensations. I remember one day being told by my best friend's mother that I had a vivid imagination. As though I saw and said something I wasn’t supposed to. I could also hear in her tone this was not a good thing. That something was off. In me or in her I don’t know? It was not clear. I was called many things because of my vivid imagination. From dyslexic, to anxious, to ugly, spoiled and loud. A good athlete and a sleepwalker. A mystical, indigo child connected to another world, rebellious to the core. My favorite pastime was to lie on the lawn and look at the sky. Night or day, stormy or clear, looking up was all that mattered. I turned six years old in 1972. My family watched from our black and white TV the last lunar landing. The magical gate of possibilities closed on me that day and a new era began. I felt banished from the world I came from and was quickly initiated into a heavier and denser atmosphere. Order and rules reigned over me as an insult to my character. I became subject to the doctrines of time. On that day my brain split in two. The wise and the survived. Can life be so influenced by a song, a movie, a moon landing? Can a fairytale claim our personal narrative or can someone else's legacy rob us of our own self portrait? Are our souls so entangled as to eclipse our own story? A spell was cast over me for many years until, at a perfect time, and on a perfect day, a rainbow appeared along with a memory from long ago. Dorothy taps her heels together and chants, “I want to go home”. The magical gate I had completely forgotten about reopens. Unbound and free to enter I am given a choice. “If you want to gain access you must first give something up.” Riddled with fear I pause, and only partly agree. For the next several years I am faced with contradictory forces, free and unfree. Seen and unseen energies paved a futile path until resistance broke open. A golden road came into view. My arms raised high to the sky. Surrender came over me and finally I agreed. “Okay, I will give something up.” Instantly my will shot out of me and with it the people, pleasures, possessions, popularity, position and power I had pursued. Distilled and dissolved, I realized my will was never me. The only part of me left was a tiny dot, cradled safely by mother-of-pearl. Magnificent and beautiful held tightly together by love. I broaden my gaze and lift my eyes up, when again, I find myself back on the moon, waiting.
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 I once read a book called 'The Road Less Traveled'. I don’t remember much past the first line… “Life is hard”. Agreed! Whatever choices are made, life is hard.
I walked into a room and forgot why I entered. What was I needing to get? Who was I Looking for? I gazed past the mirrored doors of the closet. White walls with human forms danced on canvas. My focus scattered with the dancers as they pressed heavily against my chest. A scream bellowed from deep within. I can’t take it any longer. An image of a compass flashed through my mind, spinning, stopping. I followed the arrow and after a long traverse through consolidated chaos I found myself at the base of the mountain. A mal-de-mer arising from uncertainty. It took over my body first, then my brain. Balance became hard to sustain. I needed to call it something. Whatever was happening to me? Not a clinical name but more like a process or a purpose. A redesign, a tearing down of structure that required forgetting, letting go, and dropping out of time. I’d been pushed to the brink of something, but didn’t know what? My soul screamed for safety as I questioned the sanity of faith? Could this be a Calling? Spreading bread crumbs along the way and only for me to notice? A portal to another dimension? Eyes look up to the purple hue emanating from the mountain. She stands tall in her glory and takes dominion over the land that surrounds. I am reminded why I am here. I came to retrieve my splintered soul, to salvage what I can, and get back the intangible essence of who I am. Like chasing a firefly flickering in and out of space and time. The mountain became my home with living water, clean air, adventure and nature. Where God could be felt in the silence of the storm. The idea seemed simple at the time and everything fell into place. I realize now that was the veneer. The hook or disguise to cover the insanity that took over my life. Attractive in appearance, stammering silently, “faith requires uninhibited action”. To look like a fool is not being weak, but a willingness to follow something only I could see. I climbed up the hillside through an expansive threshold. A bird let out of a cage, a deer unsure of the terrain. The mountain is not static, It changes with the weather, erosion and fire. The roads diverged, doubt and pride were my options. I don’t intend to become a master of pride but doubt can grant me options. I followed the path of doubt and was grateful for the guardrails. The other could have me slide down its slippery slope. Below the weathered landscape two unstoppable forces collide, neither side gives in. Friction gave birth to a mountain. It thundered upward and said .“People have died here, washed away, crushed and vanished. What makes you think it will be different for you?” I feel crooked in my gate, my brain slow to respond. No longer nimble in body and mind. The mountain said, “resilience is cultivated over time and idleness is not an option.” For a moment I doubt my path, is the final lesson the biggest lesson? The part of my soul I’ve been looking for all along? Is that what’s in front of me? Like a howl from my center I am here without a plan. My last act, an extraordinary victory. I can see it, just in front of me, just out of reach. Seen and unseen forces influence my mood. I lose track of time. Obliged by the forces of nature the sun begins to set. The moon, almost full, rose up from the horizon. A tinge of pink and peach dance in the sky. Nothing can stop it. Few people lose their mind and live to tell about it. I am one of those people. Called to a conversation beyond the echo chambers of my head I learn to walk beside limitations and realize how to trust. Faint spots, uneven lines, and squinting eyes. Soft words emit from my cracked lips, time shows its secrets on the surface. A culmination of life's deposits bubble up from underneath. Each worn like a badge stitched to a costume, vaguely resembles its character anymore. I look down at the land. An end and a new all at once. The crowning moment of truth. A plot destined to tell a tale of things getting better. I close my eyes and say hello to my Spirit. My heart opens and nectar pours out, joy and sadness weave together the screenplay and characters I’ve grown to love. The future synchronizes and coordinates with the present. Timelines converge and a faint pulse reaches across from another dimension beckoning me to walk in both worlds. Karen Elaine Olson  Hi, my name is Karen and I’m celebrating my 25th year working in the field of Ancient Wisdom Technologies, including Ayurveda, Yoga and Energy Medicine. Along the way I’ve kept an eye on newer technologies, cutting edge equipment and methods used to enhance health, harmony and longevity. At the core of all these methods is a healthy lifestyle but living in the modern world makes that very difficult. In this article I want to focus on the benefits of these newer technologies.
· Improved Vitality · Better Sleep · Stress Reduction · Healthy Immune System · Fast Recovery from Injury All of us are faced with the dilemmas that living in the modern world present, processed foods, environmental toxins, poor sleep habits and hormone imbalances. Our bodies and minds are under daily assault from these elements, which translates into a chronic state of poor health for millions of people. Given this reality it would be wise to look deeper into incorporating these technologies into daily living as a solution to the stress of modern living. One of the solutions I’ve found is Med Spas. The reason I like them is they combine the ancient with the new technologies and make them available in our communities in one place. For example Red Light therapy, known to mimic dawn and dusk hours in the day. Near infrared light therapy enhances sleep, weight loss, mental performance, and skin by stimulating mitochondrial function in the cells. When we age, or if we are stressed, mitochondrial function goes down and our immune systems suffer. Many individuals who live in Urban areas are under fluorescent lights indoors, snacking on processed food, and not moving their bodies every hour. They are behind blue screens and disconnected from nature's circadian rhythms. This leads to hormone or nervous system imbalances often accompanied by poor eating and drinking habits. Red Light Sauna Therapy is one example of a solution for elimination these toxins from the skin. There are many other new technologies available to support modern day living such as frequency and hertz therapy to support emotional, cognitive, and resilience to everyday stressors. There are compression therapies for heart and brain health which are great for athletes! Add an exercise machine known as the Vasper, which incorporates oxygen, cold and cold temperature to relieve the body of lactic acid and stimulates growth hormone secretion in the brain. It’s also known to increase energy, joy and improved vision. There is so much to be said for these new technological advances in day to day and long term health. They are revolutionizing how we support our bodies, minds and spirits in the modern world. Here are some additional technologies: · Hyperbaric Oxygen · Intravenous Ozone · Salt Chambers · Cold Therapy · Frequency Therapy What I love so much about Med Spas is the emphasis on giving the body what it needs to support regeneration, eliminate the root causes of symptoms, and redefine what it means to be vibrant. Making Med Spas part of our routine will give us the tools to counter the effects of the modern world so that we can actually feel better as we get older. The Cascade mountain range reaches far and wide from California to British Columbia. This dark green, lush mountainous land is full of legend and lore of historical significance both geologically, ecologically and anthropologically.
The story of Cascadia starts at the doorstep of Mount Shasta which is considered one of the seven most holy mountains of the world and is a Vortex of high and low frequency vibration that can be harnessed for healing and evolving the Soul. The low hum of the mountain and deep crystalline structures in the earth can be felt for miles around this Cascadia volcano. The emerald landscape is mysterious and has been referred to as “The Wonderful World of Oz” from The Oz books written by Frank Braun in 1900. The indigenous story keepers speak of ancient civilizations that inhabited this area before the last ice age that started 30,000 years ago and ended 11,000 years ago. At that time many died, migrated or went into the mountains. Stories from this time tell of giants with two rows of teeth and were cannibals. Others were tall, fair skinned with light eyes and hair who were technologically sophisticated. I have spent many years learning, exploring and now living part time on this volcano. I have experienced multiple encounters, dreams, healing and psychic phenomena on this mountain. Shasta is also known for its pure water. I drink the holy headwaters daily and have witnessed change in my well being due to the waters high intelligence. People are called here for many reasons. Some love the summer recreational opportunities of water sports, fishing, biking, hiking, mountain climbing, and spelunking. And winter is a wonderland of outdoor fun and adventure. Others flock here because of the benefits that are not so visible but are no less tangible. Something unexplainable happens and they’re drawn to the multi dimensional pull of spiritual gravity that transcends normal reality. They are in search of a Wizard who can calm a storm and grant a wish. Along the way they confront their soul, their fear and their longing. This leads them back to their heart center where they realize the power was in them all along. “You've been walking around with an invisible disability" is what she said after mapping my brain. I knew this but worked hard at not letting anyone else know. Trauma can cause this. Feeling isolated and alone, feeling that no one understands the level of despair that can suddenly take over.
When I was 15 I was in a very bad car accident. The night of my Jr Prom, girls ask guys to dance. I was in the 10th grade and had an older boyfriend. He was beautiful and talented, a rebel and eccentric. He also had a drinking problem. Of course I didn’t notice when I got in the car because this was the environment of my own home. Domestic abuse, mental illness and codependency was a common theme. Dad said the chaos was cultural, from my mother’s side of being Italian. That was the sarcastic kind of joke that normalized the insanity but clearly Dad was not without his own trauma. I don’t remember the exact date, just that it was fall. Around my birthday. The car spun out of control and we collided with the guard rail on the side of the freeway overlooking the Los Angeles dam. No seat belts on, this was the 80’s and not a law yet. I stumbled out of the car. Broken arm, broken neck, a bad head injury and concussion. I wandered the busy freeway at midnight disoriented and confused. A beautiful amber angel saved my life, put us in her car and brought us to the hospital emergency entrance. I never saw her again. Why look back all the time has been a common conversation. Stuck in the past is the symptom of PTSD or as it’s been identified as CPTSD, (the C is a new add on to this diagnosis and stands for Complex). A constant nagging neck-ache and headache, a heaviness or severe lightheadedness, run ins with depression, anxiety and the hyper-vigilance to always be fixing myself. More than 40 years later and a desire to reconcile this trauma has left me in a state of acceptance as well as compassion for self and others who are dealing with the same invisible disability. Another layer of the onion to be peeled back and at 57 hiding is not an option for me. It started with menopause then it turned into autoimmune symptoms until it turned into chronic pain in my neck and headaches as well as a decline in my innate enthusiasm for life. Fortunately I have been involved in health and healing for over 25 years. My network of healers and personal development work has been a saving grace. What needed to come forward in myself was the end of shame and embarrassment for not being perfect, for not being strong and stoic, and for feeling like a half-baked human being. When the delusion that I had it all together ended what was left was to surrender to what was taking place with my well-being. Faith took over and to my good fortune I met with some incredible technologies, functional medicine Doctors and Energy workers. “It’s not all your fault” were the words said to me that allowed my heart to soften and appreciate just how far I’ve come. You see, trauma for me started way before that terrible night. In fact the existing trauma is probably what gave me the reckless behavior to even get in the car with someone who did not have my best interest in mind. It is said that your mess becomes your message. Every human being carves out their own niche. Working on the trauma that affected my brain and my way of being in the world enables me to work with others. That is my niche. Today I share my story about trauma and how if gone unchecked leads to risky behavior, mood swings, isolation and heartache. A poor relationship with fear is part of the brain function that gets turned inside out with trauma. If my story resonates with you please reach out to me. I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP), with strong psychic, clairvoyant and clairaudient skills. I’m trained in Neurolinguistic Programming as well as the language of patterns and symbols. All of these phenomena are composed of energy, each with a unique signature. Reading these energies is an opportunity for healing. With so many people silently suffering from undiagnosed brain injuries, I’m writing this for you. There is no need to suffer alone. There are ways to cope, heal and even live happily ever after. Pharmaceutically free. |
AuthorKaren Barbarick-Collins is a Certified Ayurvedic Technician and Wellness Coach, an Accredited Neuro Linguistic Programming Coach and a Registered Yoga Alliance Teacher. She is the founder of Bending Blade Healing Arts. Archives
March 2025
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